Archive for the ‘gender’ Category

Fear

May 19, 2010

I’m starting to think it’s possible that fear is the root of all evil.

Semantic discussion of the religious implications of evil aside, I have seen people twist themselves in knots in fear. Fear of pain, hurting someone else, or seeing something unlovable in themselves. Fear of seeing themselves as they truly are, as if it’s something unimaginably horrid. As if seeing ourselves in all our history and present is worse than death.

Around racism and privilege in particular, I have seen this fear manifest as (sometimes incredibly skillful) avoidance. From often vague and lofty claims of colorblindness, to interpersonal conflicts and competition among white people that are misplaced – if not entirely created – to avoid even talking about talking about racism.

I’m struck in particular by one dichotomy I’ve witnessed. On the one hand, it’s generally accepted when talking about and exploring white privilege and racism, it’s up to white people to do their own work. Part of White Privilege 101 is that it is not okay to ask a person of color to teach us about racism and oppression, both because one person can’t be asked to represent an entire group and because it’s not their job to educate us about our shit. And privilege and racism is definitely our shit. White people also add that they would likely not be as honest about their own racism with a person of color in the room. On top of that, people will question someone of color who is willing to lead or facilitate a discussion with white people on privilege, wondering about where they are with their own internalized racism and having genuine concern about the re-wounding of a person of color in that role. On the other hand, I get a strong message from people of color and other marginalized groups – and throw off the same signal in groups where I am marginalized – that if you are trying to be an ally to me and protect me from your -ist bullshit at the same time, then you have seriously underestimated me. The notion that we can decide what other people can handle around their oppression seems to be a privileged one, and one that meets with lots of resistance.

To further confuse myself, I have started reading James Baldwin. (If you know me and you know Baldwin, you’re right to be scared. I blame Joshua.) From No Name in the Street:

If Americans were not so terrified of their private selves, they would never have needed to invent and could never have become so dependent on whey they still call “the Negro problem.” This problem, which they invented in order to safeguard their purity, has made of them criminals and monsters, and it is destroying them; and this not from anything blacks may or may not be doing but because of the role a guilty and constricted white imagination has assigned to the blacks.

There’s a lot said in Buddhism about being fully present in the moment, and fear seems to be the antithesis of being present. I think fear has a lot of anticipation of what’s next in it.

There’s a well-known Zen koan about a man chased by a lion over a cliff. Clinging to a vine for his life, he sees a tiger below him, waiting to eat him, while the tiger that chased him is just above him on the cliff. To add to the peril, there are mice gnawing at the vine he is clinging to. In the midst of all of this, when his fear should be at its highest, he sees a strawberry near him. He lets go of the vine with one hand to grab the strawberry and eat it and enjoys how wonderful and sweet it is.

I’m told the opposite of fear is love. I’m tempted to wax poetic about how the world would be so much better if we could love ourselves enough to love one another enough to vanquish fear, but that’s too corny and optimistic for even me. But if we could place love – or being in the moment – where fear comes up, I wonder how the conversation would change.

Savage Humor? Privilege Among Marginalized Groups

March 24, 2010
cut out from Dan Savage's blog post with McKenna's picture, identifying him as transgendered

Savage Humor?

I can’t say for certain whether or not McKenna is transgender, but all evidence I can find points to no. If he is, he’s certainly not public about it. And whether he is or not is, frankly, none of my business. Nor is it that of Dan Savage.

What’s infuriating to me here is the effect of what Savage has put forth, whether in “humor” or not.

Savage says “Rob McKenna doesn’t make a big deal about (being transgender)” in the post pictured above; his own bio on the site says, “Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at The Stranger to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession.” Savage is a gay man.

I don’t want to make a mess of co-mingling sexuality and gender, but I do think it’s fair to say both gay men and transgendered people are marginalized groups, and fit into the LBGTQ spectrum. Any false sense of community aside, there is a certain insidiousness when one member of a marginalized group attacks and asserts privilege over another.

Whether Savage is “outing” McKenna as a transgender person or leveling an unfounded allegation in the name of humor (that rises to the level of calling something you don’t like “gay”), he’s demonstrating his cisgender privilege.

In our culture, we think it’s very important to identify gender at or before birth (what is the first question you ask when you find out a friend is pregnant or has given birth?). We codify gender with everything from color to clothes to toys to jobs to range of emotion. Traits, abilities, or interests that fall outside our preset, deeply ingrained norms are called into question, often ridiculed, and can be dangerous. Being gay challenges gender norms, but being transgender blows them to pieces.

Speaking of danger:

* 33.2% of transgender youth have attempted suicide. Clements-Nolle K., Marx R., Katz M. (2006). Attempted suicide among transgender persons: The influence of gender-based discrimination and victimization. Journal of Homosexuality, 51(3): 53-69.)

* 55% of transgender youth report being physically attacked. (GLSEN. (2003). The 2003 national school climate survey: the school related experiences of our nation’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth.)

* 74% of transgender youth reported being sexually harassed at school, and 90% of transgender youth reported feeling unsafe at school because of their gender expression. (GLSEN. (2001). The 2001 national school climate survey: the school related experiences of our nation’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth.)

* In a survey of 403 transgender people, 78% reported having been verbally harassed and 48% reported having been victims of assault, including assault with a weapon, sexual assault or rape. (Wilchins, R., Lombardi, E., Priesing, D. and Malouf, D. (1997) First national survey of transgender violence. Gender Public Advocacy Coalition.)

– From Youth Pride, Inc.

That Savage published a picture with this attack is no accident. We have in our minds what we think men and women should look like – again, we are taught these things from birth. Savage is giving us an opportunity to tap into those notions and decide if McKenna looks “manly,” or like a “she male,” or “delicate,” or “girly,” or any number of descriptors often levied as slurs against people whose gender we feel we have the right to examine, question, and criticize.

Whether or not the claims Savage is making are true, he has levied his cisgender privilege to successfully call into question McKenna’s “manhood.” Whether it’s a joke or an outing, the effect he’s creating is to further marginalize and ridicule transgender people, and that’s inexcusable.